One of the Panda brothers, Orh tah, passed away. It hurts to watch him suffer. I watched him silently as each and every breath he took was like something only meant for the strong and not him. Hours passed, I began to accept the fact that he will leave soon yet I still held a tiny hope that he will recover like how he did the previous time.. Sadly, he never did. Before he left, he managed to drag himself along the clean bedding for a few centimetres and then he was gone.. It was as though he was trying to reach out to his brother and me. I stared at the lifeless body waiting for a small twitch of the nose or the heavy breathing but all I got was... nothing. Even though I knew this would be the outcome, I still can't bring myself to accept that he's gone. My heart shattered into millions of pieces..

I headed for bed, hoping that sleep would take away the misery and that when I wake up the next day, he would be up and about running around the carrier. I was trying so hard to deceive myself and in the end, I broke down. Even though it was less than 2 months that I had spent with him and his brother, the time we spent playing was priceless. I'm still able to recall vividly the first time I saw him and his other siblings at Cheryl's house. They all looked so alike and differentiating them was such a chore but somehow fate brought us together and so he became mine. Initially he was afraid of me but as time passes, he grew closer to me and would sniff my entire forearm with his tweeny weeny little nose each time I place my hand into the cage.

Basically, I couldn't sleep well for the whole night and I kept having dreams that he's still alive and running happily around the cage but when I woke up the next day and I checked on him, he was still lying there, motionless. It was a cold hard fact, he will not take another breath again. :(

Somehow, I'm surprised that I'm not that affected. Probably because I've comforted myself countless of times that he would be in a better place with no suffering and pain? Sigh, whatever it is, I will remember you, my little one. R.I.P and may God have mercy on your tiny soul.